So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
