So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
