I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
