There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
