sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize