I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Drunk is not a location!
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