Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
