i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
