Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Randomize
