dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
