I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
