apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
