k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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