I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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