Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
