Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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