i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
