Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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