Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
