Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
All I want is dick and wine.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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