are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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