"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
