he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
