I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
