Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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