If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
