oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize