even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
