i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
