Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
