i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Houston, we have a blender
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
