I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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