Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize
