I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
