I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
