Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
