I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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