Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just want nice things and good sex
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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