I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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