Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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