just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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