Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
