went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Found your dick twin last night
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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