Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
