Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
