dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
