i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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