I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
well you can't waste a boner
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
