good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
we're making bets on your personal life
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
he laminated a picture of his dick.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
