No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize