We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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