Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
