I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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