she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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