Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
