Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
