it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize