It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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