Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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