Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Randomize
