I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize