i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Actions speak louder than pants.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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