Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
