You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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