There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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