Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
