I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
