i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
