So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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