Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
