U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
