Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
