dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
