my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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