i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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