i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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