I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I cut my penus on the lid.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
